Persuasive Blamers

Persuasive Blamers: (Blamers): Those with life-long personalities of blaming others for all problems, including their own. They most commonly have personality traits associated with the Cluster B Personality Disorders found in the DSM-IV: Borderline, Narcissist, Histrionic, and Antisocial Personality Disorders. They are preoccupied with blaming others and cannot look at their own contribution to their problems. In court, they are often able to persuade others who do not know them—including attorneys, therapists, evaluators and judges—that they are victims of those they blame, even though the opposite may be true. Given the limits on evidence and lack of knowledge of personality disorders, courts often believe them at the beginning of – and sometimes throughout – a court case. Blamers are a subgroup of people with BPD or NPD. Source: http://www.highconflictinstitute.com

Max and I are blamed for EVERYTHING by our lovely friend the Dragon.  Let me outline some examples:

v  She calls the house and screams at Max and won't let him get in a word and finally he ends up hanging up - and he is blamed for not being communicative. 

v  She calls the house and repeatedly bullies him over the phone, screaming at him and dominating the conversation and I end up barking at her in the background and suggesting he hang up - and I am blamed for not minding my own business. 

v  She calls the house and I answer and she immediately yells..."why can't you f*% let Max answer the f'*% phone you b*%".  And somehow I am blamed for being abusive and abrupt when I suggest she give me some respect when she calls my home.

v  Jessie gets pink eye and somehow we are to blame (despite her coming to our home with it) 

v  Jessie goes to the doctors before coming to our home, she is told all she has is a sore throat, she makes no complaints all weekend, goes back to her mom's and over 24 hours later she takes her to the doctor and she is diagnosed with Scarlet Fever - and somehow we are to blame.

v  She harasses me for months and I warn her several times to leave me alone and she persists, and I finally call the police - and somehow I am to blame that she could have been charged and lose her driver’s license 

v  She treats Max, me, our children, and Max and my family with disrespect for years, and she suggests she can’t understand why everyone hates her - we are to blame?

v  I ask her why she hates me so much and she says "because you are not what I expected Max to end up with - you are not blond and young." - I am to blame?? 

v  She over and over causes some ruckus and Max reports it to his lawyer - and her response "stop telling on me, I get in trouble" - Max is to blame for your punishment? 

The list could go on and on and on. No ownership. No accountability. Always the victim. Never at fault. Always blaming.  Pathetic. 

Take a long hard look in the mirror Dragon. You are to blame.