The Persistence of a Dragon

One may say harassment. Another may say persistence. Of course she justified her 12 calls in 1 hr and 20 minutes..."I promised Jessie I would call...". That's fine, but after calling the first time and leaving a message, most rational people would await the return call.  Ok, I will even give you a second call. But after that, it should register in your head that...hmm, perhaps they are not home.

But the thought process of a dragon is much different than that of us more rational humans...

Again, perhaps a more positive analysis would be to view this as persistence??  Your thoughts...

Initial call

Ok, maybe they are home now

I know they are home..

Asshole...answer the phone

I know you are there...pick up...

Am I pissing you off yet? Pick up the damn phone!

After a few minutes of stewing...another try

Followed by another...

And another...

And yes...another

In the midst of a NPD rage...tries one final time, fire spewing from her Dragon mouth

The Reaction

The fire from her venomous Dragon mouth kept burning me. But proudly I kept my composure.

Blame it on the hormones; blame it on reaching a point of being fed up and succumbing to my weaknesses. But I did finally blow. The Day I succumbed to her constant harassment and intimidation. My day of weakness, a day whereby she got control over me.

How it began: I am South enjoying a vacation with my son and my parents. I get a text message from Max. “Carmen is freaking out. She said you posted a profile picture of Jessie and Caden on Facebook. She is saying you gotta take it off.”

Well tell her to grow up and worry about more important things in life. I am not taking the picture down. It is a super cute Halloween picture of my son with his friend, who happens to be you daughter, you Dragon freak. Get over it. Really?  And it is ok for your Dragoness girlfriend to post a profile picture of her and your daughter and Max doesn’t seem to mind. Oh right, he is sane. You are not.

“I told her to mind her own business hun...” And what did she say I asked? “She just said...ok, if she wants to play games, I can too”.

Game? If I knew I was playing a game, I maybe would have geared up for it. 

He adds "I did remind her of the picture Beth posted of her and Jessie". And her quick response...”Its’ different, we live together”.

Oh, forgot there is one set of rules for you Dragon dear, and another for the rest of the world.

The next day I get another text from Max. “I got a text from Stacey, she says there is a goofy picture of you on Carmen’s Facebook page and her making all these comments about you”.

So I do some digging. A mutual “friend” sends me the pictures and comments. Are you serious? You do need a serious dose of growing up Dragon. Where did she get that picture of me? I have her blocked. Then I remember.

A couple months previous Max tells me that Carmen comes by to get Jessie after his visit with her and she asks if she could borrow his camera as she forgot hers at home and she is on her way to swimming with Jessie. He willingly provides her with the camera unknowing what her sly plans are. She shows up a day or so later and hands Max his camera. She says “See who you are dating...just take a look at how crazy she is”. Max looks through the pictures. Carmen had taken pictures of the computer screen, pictures of me having fun with some friends laughing and being goofy, pictures she acquired from my Facebook page. 

Well, weeks pass and these pictures show up again, this time as a means of publicly ridiculing me, an attempt by the Dragon at humiliation. Apparently she saved these pictures to her computer and decided to use them publicly. Really? 

The picture she chose to post as her Facebook profile: me telling a story at a friend’s birthday party at a restaurant, with a goofy face. The picture was followed by the following comment..."you put my daughters picture on your FB stat pic... 2 can play. Carmen 1...Loser 0.”

Again, really? How old are you? A 30+ woman and “Mother” of one acting this way?  And some of her "followers" whom are apparently as equally immature responded with "likes" to this ridiculous juvenile effort. 

Minimal blood boiling that day. Chalked it up as another Dragon moment. Who is the loser Dragon?

I head home from my vacation. First night home I take Caden to swimming. Well, well, there is the Dragon Mobile in the parking lot with the Dragon in the front seat smoking her cigarette, blowing it out of the crack of her window. Why is she sitting in her car filling her lungs with chemicals when she should be inside watching Jessie swimming? Oh yes, she cares about only one person - and that is herself. 

I enter the arena. I immediately get a text. Its Max...”you must have just passed Carmen. She just sent me a text saying that you are a crazy driver, and wish I could see how F’ed up you are”. 

Really? Can't you just sit back and enjoy your cancer stick and leave me alone Dragon.  

I get into the arena. Beth, Carmen's puppet of a girlfriend, is with Jessie in the pool area. No Carmen to be found, apparently still out enjoying her cigarette, making comments about me to Max, clueless to the wellbeing of her daughter.

Caden sees Jessie in the pool area and runs over to say hello to Jessie. They are so cute together, brings a smile to my face. He wanted to say hello just getting back from Florida and away for a week.  But apparently Beth has been carefully instructed by the Dragon to not allow any communication as she immediately pulls Jessie by her arm and away from Caden and I. Caden looks up at me with this look of confusion. My blood immediately boils over. All of the above must have just simmered and simmered to the point of explosion. 

I take Caden by the hand and follow Beth and Jessie into the change room. I start my rant: “how dare you pull Jessie away, and funny how you continue to act as Carmen’s puppet when 2 months ago Carmen was willing to throw you to the curb if Max took her back"...bla bla bla. I stop. What am I doing? Who am I? I gain my composure and walk out of the change room and into the pool area. I hand Caden over to his instructor. I break down into tears. I am shaking. What just happened? 

I didn't sleep that night. I failed. I lost my composure and stooped to the Dragon's level. She gained control over me that day.  Oh and did she have a mouthful for Max after all that. Oh yes, and apparently Jessie was so traumatized that she just couldn't make it to swimming the following week. Oh please stop with the dramatization. Funny how Jessie made no mention to us of her concerns two days later when she was at Max's for her regular access. 

I find out a month later that I am pregnant. I would have been around 4-weeks at the time this “breakdown” of mine occurred. I would like to blame the hormones. But I will also admit that the continued burning by the Dragon and her entourage finally got to me.

The day after this occurrence at the arena I spoke with my family doctor. I told him everything. He advised me to seek legal or criminal action.  This woman will not stop unless some else advises her too.

Yeah right!  NOTHING will stop her. 

End of Chapter One and Beginning of Chapter Two: Beginning of Dragon Encounters

End of Chapter 1

I am not going to sit here and pretend that I am an expert in Divorce 101. But I will say I and my ex-husband handled our divorce with as much grace as you can in the midst of high emotion. Reasons I won’t discuss, our relationship and marriage of 10 years came to an end. 

We may have had our struggles during our marriage, but when it came to ending it, we worked together cooperatively. Access to our child, support and martial home matters settled in less than 3 months and $1500. We continue to work together amicably and cooperatively. 

While we have a Separation Agreement, we reassess the access schedule and support on an ongoing basis. No greed. No control. Only the best interests of our boy, Caden. We have never talked badly about the other parent or their family or new partners. We have welcomed each other’s new partner into Caden’s life with acceptance and have even sat together amicably at school and extra-curricular functions. We are flexible and understanding when it comes to schedule changes. The list could go on. All is good.

Start Chapter 2

Enter in new beginnings and a fresh start. Meet lovely man, Max. Several months later meet his lovely daughter, Jessie. 

And who is this? Oh, the not so lovely ex-wife.  “My isn't she pleasant”. Control. Greed. Manipulation. Inflexibility. Lack of cooperation, difficulty. No empathy. Selfishness. Just plain evilness.  

The end of Max’s chapter 2: her, Carmen, having an affair with another woman, Beth, for over a year. Declaring it over and living in the martial home for another 6 months until she purchases a home with her new love interest. And the best part of it all: bringing her young and senseless puppet of a girlfriend into the marital home while Max still lived there. Yes, overnight in the room down the hall, despite Max's pleas otherwise. The Dragon’s response to his pleas to have Beth remain out of his home, in essence, demanding some respect and dignity: "F** off and mind your own business Max...this is still my house too, I can do what the F** I want". Now that is what I call RESPECT. Classy lady! 

Who is this person and why is she the way she is?

Welcome to the Dragons "World"

Well I can’t say I wasn’t warned. Within days after word got out that I was dating Max, the words of caution surmounted...

“Max is a great guy, but do you know his ex...she is crazy”. ‘Don’t get caught up with him, his ex will make your life miserable”. “You know her Nicole...she went to our high school. She is a super bitch!” Sorry I don’t remember her. But you are all kidding right? Who can be that bad....?

Was I wrong and they right!

The Dragon became increasingly suspicious.  Why is Max not mopping about miserable, instead smiling with hope that there are good woman out there and life is going to be ok?  The Dragon scooped up Max’s cell phone, read through his texts and discovered who he was dating. Within 9 days after Max and I met, I get a Facebook friend request from Dragon. I am guessing this is a lousy attempt at an intimidation tactic? Hoping I am stupid enough to say yes so you can snoop my page to get all the dirt on me you need to publicly ridicule me. Delete.

Then, immediately the texts from her flooded in to my phone:

Don’t know what ur thinkn with max. Hes way to 2 good for u…total rebound…haha…every1 sees it…2 bad…coulda been fb friends…haha

“so I heard u f*** jeff 2…get a life…looser”

“hey ho, can u get off my husband 4 a sec and ask him to call home…it’s about his daughter”

If I didn’t know any better I was getting texts messages from the troubled teenage girl down the street. Not a 30+ woman with a career and a 4 year old daughter acting in this ridiculously immature way.  This teenage girl must have the wrong number.

Nope, it’s the beginning of life with a narcissist! Joy. And why did I not heed the warning signs at that point? You could say stupid...stupid in love.

Text messages: Delete. Delete. And delete.  I am not going to give this sorry excuse of a human any sort of reaction.

The warnings from Max to our Dragon friend leave me alone were ignored. They likely only fueled her desire to further intimidate me. “Ho” became her term for me. Cute. At this point still living with Max, she changed the home line and Max’s cell phone address book contact information to “Max’s ho”. Even more cute. 

The Facebook wall messages started. My most favourite of all time: "just when I thought Christmas was done...nope HO HO HO is back....lol".  I do have to admit - clever.

Then there was the friend request to my ex-husband...”since your ex is dating my ex, thought we could be friends”. Really? Good thing he has a sense of humour. He calls me up to ask me who this crazy person is.  Oh, let me introduce you to the Dragon! 

The icing on the cake came the day she showed up at Max’s house one September evening, 6 months after Max and I began dating, demanding her daughter back.

I was out back cleaning up the yard after having Max’s family over for dinner. Max’s family had just left and Max was upstairs putting his daughter Jessie to bed.  I am up on the pool deck and see that the Dragon Mobile has pulled up out front.  You remember Cruella de Vil’s car from 101 Dalmatians?  That’s her car. Tinted black windows, evil red colour, long and pointy.  Totally fitting car for an evil and cruel monster like the Dragon.

My heart races. I instinctively ran to the front yard in defense of Max who was upstairs with Jessie. Not sure what I was thinking as this woman could knock me out in one punch!  I come around the corner and see Dragon on the front walkway and I say “What are you doing here?”

Well it is a good thing that Max’s parents had not left. They were walking out front when she pulled up and knew better than to leave me and Max to her wrath. Dragon immediately starts to spew out flames of offensive language to me in Max’s parent’s presence.

”You are so good at spreading your legs Nicole...Max doesn’t want anything to do with his daughter anymore because he is too busy f'n you...You had better leave before I whack you one...”. Once again, FULL of class. Max’s mom suggested I go inside and I did not hesitate.  She fires me a look of death as she holds up her middle finger. Again, troubled teenager down the road or 30+ year old Mother?

After an hour of Dragon ringing the doorbell repeatedly and spewing out rubbish to Max’s mom on the door step, we called the police. “She is just looking to stir up trouble” is what the policeman told us. She was asked to leave.

I won’t lie. She got to me that day. She didn’t scare me away, but she did elicit emotions of anger that I had not felt since I was an emotional teenage girl. Who does and says these things and continues to get away with it?

The list of text messages, Facebook posts and other intimation attempts continued. I was successfully able to maintain my composure through it all, not giving her what she wanted – a reaction.  

But as the days and months move on the heat of her flames becomes overwhelming. I am gasping for air. I am losing composure and patience. So the real journey begins: my journey to get her out of my head and to gain back control and composure.