Exploitation and Manipulation

One day Max and I were out for a bike ride. We live in a small town, so any path you take tends to venture past the Dragon Den. As we passed by the Den, Max says to me "must be laundry night". I asked him what he meant. He said that Carmen's sister's car at the Den and "she must be doing Carmen's laundry". Pardon?

He went on to say that years ago Carmen blackmailed her sister into doing her laundry, saying "I won't tell mom and Dad that you smoke, if you do my laundry". 

I almost fell off my bike. Are you kidding me?  He explained that Carmen's sister is the "prize child" and that she wouldn't ever want her parents to know that she smokes so would do anything in her power to keep that information from them. And with the Dragon knowing this, she has exploited and manipulated her sister for years.

"She used to come over to our house, do the laundry and smoke cigarette after cigarette.  Carmen would sit back on the couch and watch her TV shows while her sister slaved." He told me about one day when Carmen called her sister up and said she had laundry for her to do. Her sister said she was busy and couldn't come by. He went on to say that Carmen insisted she needed it done today and "come do it or I will tell mom and Dad you smoke".  Her sister came running over.   

Narcissists feel they are entitled and that they deserve special treatment and they will do whatever they feel they need to do to get it - even if that means exploiting their own blood. Carmen always resented her sister for being the "special sister" so she didn't hesitate to exploit her to get the special treatment she felt she deserved. 

Max himself experienced years of control and manipulation. This didn't stop after they separated. Max initiated legal proceedings as he was getting nowhere in negotiating with Carmen in gaining meaningful access to Jessie.  Carmen always resented Max for this as this was not her decision and he had done something without her knowledge that took some power away from her. 

About 2 months after legal proceedings were initiated Carmen told Max that she was going to "take you for everything" since "you did this". She said she would go for high amounts of spousal support and limit his access even more. She angrily tells him "you will lose everything Max". 

Max was frightened. He had heard stories of cruel vindictive woman taking their ex's for tons of money. He could foresee Carmen being this cruel and he would end up losing his house, have little money to survive, and lose his daughter, the one thing that meant the most to him. 

Max pleaded with Carmen to negotiate an agreement and to consider going to see a mediator. Carmen could sense Max's anxiety, and in her Dragoness way, decided to play on this and manipulated him into giving her a load of money. She agreed to go to mediation if and only if he paid half of her retainer fee for her lawyer: $2825.00. Max reluctantly did this and he to this day regrets having done so. She exploited him by playing on his emotions and vulnerability. But she felt entitled. She felt that he should never have gone to the lawyers so he was going to pay. She could not even remotely recognize why he went the legal route as she feels she does no wrong. She exploited him by kicking him when he was down and manipulated him into paying out this sum of money.  

The Dragon fuels herself off of others raw emotions. About 8 months after Max and I started dating, she decided to go to him to ask for him back. She apparently said to him she would be a "better wife".  When I had my very memorable meeting with the Dragon (see The Meeting) she tells me that she wasn't serious when she asked for him back. Apparently she "just wanted to see what he would say”.  She felt she was entitled to ask that question and see what reaction she would get.  She never once stopped to think what impact that may have. 

When you are dealing with a narcissist you are dealing with a person that lacks any empathy and no consideration for anyone's feelings but their own. They feel entitled to special treatment and they will do anything and everything in their power to get that - even if it means exploiting their own family members or playing on a person's vulnerability and raw emotions. 

And they will feel no remorse for doing so.