"The biggest
problem with narcissists is that they can never see fault in themselves, yet
find it overwhelmingly easy to find it in others." Source
Reasonable people can reason. They can see they are not perfect and no one is. Reasonable people can admit wrong. Reasoning with the unreasonable is like banging your head against a brick wall. In both cases you end up with the same agonizing headache!
Conversation with the Reasonable
I picked
up Caden one night after a few days at his Dads. His eye was closed tight as it
hurt to look at the light. It was watering. His Dad said they were camping this
weekend and he thinks he may have scratched it. I responded reasonably saying
that I would keep an eye on it.
Next morning, Caden wakes up and his eye is still bothering him. I decided to contact my eye doctor to get their opinion. They told me they could see him that afternoon. I brought him in and it turns out that he had a bacterial infection. The doctor prescribed eye drops and scheduled some follow ups.
I called Caden's Dad and gave him the update. Not to pass blame on to him, but to communicate with him how our son was feeling. Caden's Dad at that point informed me that unfortunately the water they were swimming in at the camp ground did look murky and he questioned perhaps if he got it from the water. He apologized and indicated he felt bad this occurred. I suggested perhaps the water could be a cause, but "these things happen, no worries". Caden's eye improved in a couple days.
Conversation with the Unreasonable
It is
Friday night of Max's weekend. We notice soon after Jessie arrives that her
right eye is pink and a bit goopy. No pain, just a bit itchy. Look like pink
eye. We call the pharmacist at our local pharmacy, describe her symptoms, and
he suggests an over the counter drop. The pharmacist’s recommendation was to
monitor and if there is no sign of improvement in one or two days to consult a
doctor.
Her symptoms improved.
Jessie goes home to the Den. Max explains the scenario. No comments from the Dragon at the time. All seems well. Within 10 minutes of being home, Max gets a call. It is the Dragon on another rant declaring how terrible of parents we are and that she is some super mom as she "takes care of her child when she is sick".
Max suggests that Jessie likely will have to stay home from school tomorrow and that he is off work and Dragon is working so he would like to have her. No, "she will stay with my mom".
Step ahead 28 hours later. Phone call comes in at 10:25p.m. No message, but from the Dragon's cell. We were in bed.
Next day a text comes through at 5:25p.m. It is a picture text of Jessie: a close up of her eye, looks like she had a hemorrhage. The message - "this is why I called last night..."
Max calls. No answer. He continues to call for the next 4 days with no responses or call backs.
Purpose of the call at 10p.m. and the picture text - to try to hurt, to rant and to pass blame..."look what you have done"
We never got the prognosis. But I can sure as hell guess we will be blamed for it. Even though I have now consulted two doctors and a nurse friend about the whole scenario and they reassure me that Max and I did exactly what they would have done with their children. They suggested that the hemorrhage is either unrelated or due to Jessie rubbing her eye aggressively.
In essence, you can't take anything the Dragon does or says personally. And there is no sense trying to explain to her as she will not hear you. She has her opinion as unreasonable as it is. There is no reasoning with the unreasonable.
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