The Public vs Private Persona

Go ahead and act like Mom-of-the-Year on Facebook, but don’t forget some of us know you in real life. Some e-cards

It’s not about how good of a Mother you really are, just how good of a Mother you appear to be on facebook. Some e-cards

Look at me, look how amazing I am and all I do for my community. Admire me please. But the truth of the matter is, behind closed doors she is a controlling, manipulative, mean and intimidating person who lacks empathy and respect for moral codes. She makes everything into an issue. She knows no other way than to argue or to be difficult or negative. It is her way or no way. She is often immature and exhibits bullying behaviour. 

She will bite her tongue in public in order to uphold her image but as soon as she is back behind closed doors, the venom/fire is released. 

Case in point: At Jessie's soccer game Carmen put on a happy face in front of Max despite her dismay that he did not instruct forcefully his 4 year old daughter back onto the field as opposed to "visiting" with him on the sidelines for a mere 5 minutes.  As far as I can see, Jessie isn't headed for playing with FIFA anytime soon so let her be a 4-year old. But as soon as Max enters the home the phone rings. It is Carmen, in a narcissistic RAGE.  Max gets a mouth full from Carmen about how he should have done everything plausible to get Jessie back to the bench with her team: "A for effort Max, A for effort".  She would have never have thought of carrying on her wrath in a public place in front of all the soccer moms and Dads. No, because a narcissist cannot be unfriendly in public when their image is at stake. However, when behind closed doors image damage control is not an issue and so bring on the rage.  

I wonder if her public persona would be proud to hear the recording I have of her ranting to me on the telephone about how much of a whore I am and how I trapped a "rich man" by getting pregnant. Or the offensive and intimidating saved text messages. Or that she told Max's Mother that Max was willing to have a threesome with Beth and her to "save their marriage". Classy.  Or the fact that she uses her daughter and her time with her Dad to punish Max when she is angry.  Or that the judge in court reviewed all the paperwork submitted over 2 years and very clearly identified her as the source of conflict and that she unnecessarily subjects innocent Jessie to adult issues. That is an image to be proud of. 

However I have always been perplexed that she has no regard for her image when she is publicly humiliating me by walking around her place of work referring to me as "Ho". Despite being a contradiction to her need for admiration, her exploitation efforts can often emerge. Public humiliation or belittling others in her mind makes her appear to be the better person. Remaining one-up is key to the narcissist mindset. 

But despite her efforts to uphold her image, I do believe the truth is known in some circles. Interesting enough a friend of mine told me one day about a story that made me chuckle. She was at a get-together and so-called "friends" of Carmen's were overheard saying..."I wouldn't get on Carmen's bad side, she would be the type of person that would boil a rabbit on your stove top if you made her mad" (aka. Fatal Attraction!)

It used to really bother me to watch her prance around the field volunteer coaching, with a fake half-smile on her face when only hours ago she was meeting with her lawyer scheming up paperwork to motion the court that Max pay over $4000 in support per month on an income that doesn't remotely support it.

Or when I would see her chit chatting with other Mothers waiting to get their children from school when the day previous she was dancing in Jessie's skirt we bought and dressed her in, mocking it and consequently demeaning her own daughter. Do you think the other Mothers would commend you on this parenting effort?

But in the end I remind myself that it isn't my job to convince others that she is an evil person, and that they should be weary of associating with her as you may be her next victim. As the serenity prayer goes, "accept the things I cannot change and have the courage to change the things I can". I know what does matter is the truth is known by those that love and know me and those that know her more private persona.

So I have decided that I cannot waste any more energy concerned about what others do not know or I feel need to know about the truth.  They either know it or choose to ignore it out of fear of her or if they don't know it they will soon enough. 

Truth always prevails.