The Meeting

I had the pleasure of sitting down with the Dragon face-to-face. Yes, that was pleasant. Sense the sarcasm?

The meeting happened almost 2 years after I met Max. When the call came from Dragon to Max that she wanted to sit down and talk with me , my heart pounded. Are you kidding me? What is your motive Dragon? Do you want to burn me so bad with your spews of flames that I leave this earth so you can gain back all your control over Max??

Stepping ahead another week I find out that apparently Dragon had a health scare that somehow motivated her to contact me in an attempt to “move forward in a positive way’ (her words, not mine).  Well I think this “epiphany” was a crock of sh** as her attempts to “move forward in a positive way” post this meeting were very meager and short lived. I suppose a Dragon with NPD is incapable of actually being positive, so what did I expect.

Have you ever had a conversation with a Narcissist? Interesting to say the least! Here is a synopsis:

• Me, me, and more me
• Rationalize everything, no matter how ridiculous it sounds
• Keep a straight face when rationalizing things that are absolutely ridiculous
• When posed with a question or a comment that perhaps questions their rationalization, change the subject to divert attention away that perhaps the other person has realized how messed up they are
• Never admit you are wrong
• Difficult to get in a word
• Don’t piss them off, otherwise you will face the Narcissist RAGE (this looks like fire spewing from a Dragon mouth)

For that very reason – avoiding the RAGE – I went into the conversation with full intent to keep my mouth shut and nod in what appears to be “agreement”, no matter how opposed I am to what she is suggesting. In essence, I planned to be a coward and nod and smile. Furthermore, there is no rationalizing with someone with NPD, so why waste my breath. And, really at the heart of it all, was a desire for peace – for Jessie and Max. So I will be the bigger person and avoid saying exactly what was on my mind – “you need medication and months of counseling my Dragon friend!”

She and I sat in my living room, with Max a short beckon away (“Please come help me, she is in one of her many narcissist rages!! Save me”) 

What I uttered nicely to her was one thing...what was in my head was another! Here is a summation of the conversation that day:

Dragon: Are you jealous of me?

My answer: Absolutely not. I am sorry that you feel that way. I am a very non-jealous person. 

My head:  Are you serious? You are controlling, manipulative, angry, resentful, bitter, miserable, greedy, irrational and non-empathetic monster; you lie and have an inability to admit wrong doing and are pathetically dependent on everyone around you to fix all that you screw up. I could go on. You are everything I strive to NOT BE.  And more importantly, I have everything I want in life: an amazing family, a supportive loving husband, an amicable relationship with my ex-husband, happiness etc. You have NOTHING I want or need. So HELL NO I am not jealous of you! Rather, I despise everything about you. 

Dragon: “I think you think I am jealous of you”.  She begins to sheepishly reference the fact that she asked for Max back months ago and he turned that offer down. “You know...I wasn’t serious when I asked him back, I just wanted to see what he would say”.

My answer: mouth dropped, gain your composure Nicole, do not take a swing at her you non-empathetic unemotional monster. “No I do not think you are jealous of me”.

My head: Are you kidding me. Do you know what emotional trauma he went through when you came crawling back asking him to get back together. He was so torn. He so wanted to save his family, but so could not stand you. He was beating himself up, agonizing over what he needed to do. Not to mention that forced us into a short break up – leaving me emotionally distraught. You truly are a monster aren’t you?!?!  And do I think you are jealous of me – HELL YA. You are spiteful and angry that I have taken what you thought was always going to be sitting here waiting for you. You so regret walking away and hate me for it.

My question to the Dragon: why did you send all those text messages to me in the beginning?

Dragon: well you weren’t who I thought Max would end up with. I thought he would date a blond girl, young, no kids, and she would hang out as part of “our group” and we could all party together” (note to reader: I have dark hair, I have a 6 years older than Max, and I have a boy).

My answer: Well, there are lots of things in life we cannot control.

My head: Again, are you kidding me? First of all...a simple “I am sorry I was so irrational” is all I would have expected. But you are sitting here justifying why you were such a Dragon with this look on your face like “what did you expect”.  You are more messed up than I thought.

I could go on with the examples of irrational thoughts and words that spewed out of this Dragon mouth. But I am pretty sure the point has been made. No apology, full rationalization despite what is clearly irrational. That is how the Dragon “moved forward in a positive way”.  Pass blame. Take no fault. Do not apologize. Sit there with a straight face rationalizing what are completely insane thoughts and behaviors.

I am not sure what her thoughts were when she walked away that day. I know for me, as hard as the conversation was to listen to her rubbish and keep a straight face, holding back my desire to tell her exactly what I truly felt, I was hopeful that this was a step forward for us all: that perhaps we could make  efforts to all work together amicably.  That what I was so blessed to have with my ex-husband and his new partner – an amicable healthy cooperative relationship – could exist for us also.

Boy was I wrong.

Once a Dragon, always a Dragon.   A Dragon is incapable of “moving forward in a positive way”.