Ho Ho Ho: I am back!

"A narcissist will often expect others to fit in with their plan.  The narcissist reacts badly when any aspect of his/her freedom is threatened or when his/her plans are thwarted... When a narcissist is interrupted, confronted or contradicted, he or she may suddenly develop narcissistic rage…" 

Oh boy have I seen the rage. How dare I ruin her plan! 

In December 2010 my life as I thought I knew it was turned upside down once again.

Max was flying out to Alberta to return to work. I send him a text asking that he give me a call when he arrives. I don't get a return call. Later that evening I get an email from him. I couldn't believe what I was reading. He wants to break up, that he needs time to think, has too much on his mind etc. I fell to the ground, emotionally distraught, confused, immediately feeling lonely and lost. Where did this come from?

I struggled for weeks trying to understand why he did this. Where did this come from as I did not see this coming? I fished for answers from his mom and brother. They too were confused by it all, but they reassured me that all would be okay, as did my family. What's meant to be will be. But emotionally I was destroyed.

Stepping ahead weeks later I finally get the answer. She had asked him back. When he was home from working out West in late November, she asks to talk to him. Apparently she claimed she made a mistake and she wanted him back, and that Beth would be "kicked to the curb if you took me back". She went on about how she would do better at being a wife. And she used the Jessie card of course “she needs us to be together”.

Anyone that knows Max knows he is a family man. He would do anything to save his family even if that meant living a life of misery.

I couldn't believe that he was even considering it. After all the turmoil she has creating in trying to sabotage our relationship, all the refusals for him to see Jessie - using her as a pawn to get her revenge against me and him and our relationship.  Not to mention her affair and how she flaunted it in his face by having her lover over to the home while he was there, having her sleep in the room next to his. Has he gone crazy?

After a couple weeks, I get a phone call from Max. He wanted to talk. He said he felt so torn. He loved me so much, but he felt he needed to save his marriage. He broke down in tears. I told him I would be right over.

We sat down that afternoon and I told him that as a "friend" I felt obligated to guide him. I suggested he really needed to think long and hard about what he wants and why he would go back to Carmen. In my head I was thinking this guy is crazy if he goes back to her. But I tried to remain as neutral as I could and helped guide him through a thought process.

I grabbed a piece of paper and at the top I wrote on the left side "what I love about her" and the right side "what I despise about her". I drew a line down the middle of the page.

"Let's start with what you love about her" I said.  He sat there staring blankly at me. "Jessie" he said. I clarified for him..."you love being a family"; "you would miss spending time daily with Jessie".  He nodded, "and I worry that she will refuse for me to see her, that she will take her away from me" he added.

"Ok, what else do you love about her?" I probed.  Again after a couple minutes he added "hanging out with her family".  Again I clarified, "you love belonging to a family and you feel you get along well with her family". Again he nodded.

I than asked, what it is he loved specifically about Carmen and his life with her. Several minutes later he could not give an example. "All I can think about is what I don't like about her".

I suggested we move to that column. He belted out his list of dislikes. The list went on.

At the end of the exercise I asked him what he saw. "Not much I like about her eh?" We laughed. I added, "I also see that what you do like about her has nothing to do with her specifically, it is about the element of family".

I than told him what my sister said to me when I was coming to a cross road in my former relationship. She reminded me that Caden was young and that he needs me now. But in 10 years from now when he is independent and is out with his friends and he doesn't "need" me as much and isn't around as much, how did that make me feel? I thought for a few minutes and replied..."very lonely".  

I suggested that Max think long and hard about WHY he would be going back to Carmen and if he did, what he would need to make the relationship healthier and do you think she is capable of that? And in 10 years, when Jessie is grown and more independent, how do you imagine you will be feeling?

I left and told him to not be in contact with me, that he had some thinking to do.

A week passes and I get a text from Max. I miss you. Can we talk? He had made up his mind. He knew who he wanted to be with - and that person was me.

We decided to keep our relationship quiet so not to stir the Dragon. For the next two weeks that he was home from the West we snuck around like two little school kids.  Till one day we were caught by one of many of the Dragon's puppets - her sister.

I stayed the night at Max's, my car in his driveway. Apparently Dragon's sister was on her way to work and immediately text Carmen to tell her that my car was there.

He instantaneously got a text from Dragon. Apparently she felt it was her business to know if we were back to together. She adds to her text "Nicole will NEVER be part of Jessie's life...I will do what I can to keep her away". 

That day Dragon decides to let her Facebook world know that I was back in the picture.

Her post: just when I thought Christmas was done........nope HO HO is back......lol

This was just another example of the Dragon’s maturity.  But I will admit, clever. It made me laugh. 

As an aside, I later find out from a friend that she has a friend that works with the Dragon. Apparently she walks around her place of work calling me "Ho", so much, that she had no idea what my true name was. Again, this is coming from a 30 year old woman.

As she promised that day in her text to max, she has tried to keep me away and shelter me from Jessie's life. She has denied me the ability to pick up Jessie from school or her home; she has freaked out on Max if she finds out I had Jessie in my care while he goes off to a meeting for an hour; she as invited Caden and Max to Jessie's birthday party but not Blair or myself as "she is not welcome"; she has told Max after Jessie goes to a hockey game that she wouldn't have allowed her to go if she knew "ho was going"; she has told Jessie I am mean. The list goes on. These attempts at alienation are her way of getting her revenge and her means of living out her anger and jealousy. It is toxic but it is pure Dragon.

Looking back now, I understand why she hates me so much. I have what she wanted back.  She even said to Max the day they spoke that she knew of others girls in town that left and their husband's take them back. She thought she could test the waters and if she wasn't happy with it all, he would take her back. And had I not entered into the picture, I believe he would have. She has always had control over him and she knew he would take her back. But I barred that from happening.  I was an obstacle in her way.

Well from that day forward her hate for me only grew. No one crosses the Dragon. She herself has said “I never lose”. She loves control and loves and needs things to be HER way. And I took from her what she thought she could so easily get back. She lost some of her control and she would make me pay. 

Karma is a bitch isn’t it Dragon. You got a piece of your Karma...enjoy.