Count your Blessings

I have been through separation. I know how emotional it can be. I had to grapple with the reality that my ex-husband had a new partner and she will now be part of Caden's life.   But the difference between me and how the Dragon have handled post-separation is my ability to rationalize and empathize, two things she is incapable of doing. She also harbors so much resentment and a toxic need for control, clouding her ability to see things in any other way but hers. 

After 8 months of Max and I dating, he asked if Caden and I would like to come with him to watch Jessie`s gymnastics. I was pleased to be invited, and Caden was super excited to go watch. However when Dragon got wind of me going she was not so pleased. The minute she spotted me she gave Max a mouth full and stormed out of the building. Immediately the text messages to me flooded in:

u just had to come didn’t u. Wanted jessie 2 see us together...f** nerve

stop gettn in between our parentin...b the big one and back off would ya

Let max and i work this out our way...shut ur mouth skunk.

I can understand that it is difficult to accept a new person into your child`s life. But in no way is it acceptable to make such a scene in front of your daughter and attempt to intimate the person with unwarranted text messages. But again, here I am trying to understand one`s rationality when there is no rationality. The rest of the day text messages came flooding in to Max:

I want peace...and don’t feel comfortable with the ho around. Sorry she started it.

Started what? Remind me again what it is I started? Because last I checked you have been harassing me from day 9 of dating max? And last I checked I have not responded once to your rage

Max suggested that she needed to get used to it all eventually and her response: i will NEVER get used to it.

She has stuck to those words for sure!

A few weeks later I get another flood of text message from Dragon after she was all irate with Max that he didn`t take Jessie to the emergency room when she carefully instructed him to – for the cold she had.  Apparently she thought I had something to do with that decision. She went on a rant about how I needed to mind my own business and butt out of the parenting of Jessie. She made it very clear that day that she possessed Jessie and would do everything in her power to seclude me:  U can have Max, he is leftovers, but jessie she is mine AND WILL NEVER BE URS GIRAFFE NECK

Once again, your clever use of animal analogies is quite comical, from ho to skunk to giraffe. What will be next?  

All this turmoil created by Dragon has made me really think about Caden and what it is I want for him. I have been asked how I have been so accepting of my ex-husbands new partner.  What is important to me when it comes to my son Caden is that he is happy. His Dad’s new partner is good to him and cares for him, something my ex has promised to me. I am able to count my blessings and see what matters. I have enough security in my parenting and faith in my love and relationship with Caden that I do not fear her replacing me in any fashion. She will only further enrich Caden’s already enriched life. For that, I am thankful for.

It became very clear to me early on that the Dragon looked at Jessie as her possession that she had anxiety over sharing and that she would do anything and everything to prevent me from having a relationship with her. It was also evident that she was insecure about my involvement and how Jessie may grow close to me.

Apparently Carmen is unaware of the unconditional love children have for their parents. She also fails to see how enriched Jessie is having me and Caden and now Blair in her life. 

Being off on maternity leave for a year I have watched a few Dr. Phil and Intervention episodes! Some of these people who struggle with drug and alcohol abuse have come from families where the father has in essence replaced the child or children with the new wife, leaving the children unloved and uncared for. Or, there have been situations where the step Mother or step father has abused the child or children – emotionally, physically and even sexually.

Jessie has been truly blessed having met my family. They have accepted her and welcomed her as their own, treated her with respect and love and dignity.  I and my family do everything we can to make her feel accepted and supported. We do our best to shelter her from any adult issues namely those that arise from the conflict her Mother creates. Never once have we spoken poorly about her Mother. I know my place in parenting Jessie as I myself know what I expect of my ex-husband’s new partner. 

She is truly a lucky little girl. I know because I know how blessed I feel my own child is that my ex-husband met a woman that cares for Caden as I do Jessie. That comforts me.

I will never be able to convince Dragon that I am a decent person who truly cares and loves Jessie and would never hurt her. I will never convince her that I have no intent to replace her, as she is and always will be Jessie’s Mother and that I can only help enrich Jessie’s life.

It is Dragon that needs to see what is truly important here. She needs to count her blessings. However I am not sure she is capable of such.