Today in
the kitchen getting lunch ready, from nowhere Jessie says to me “I asked my
mom if she likes you this much Nic”. She holds up her two fingers, holding them
an inch or two apart. She goes on to say “she says she likes you this much”
holding up two fingers, tightly pressed together.
But immediately she says "that
is okay Nic, I told her that I like you”. I smiled and told her I was glad she liked me
because I super-duper liked her. I gave her a big hug and told her I loved her
and asked “I hope it doesn't hurt your feelings when your mom says things like
that?” She said “actually it does hurt my feelings. Maybe next time you see my
Mom you can ask her if she can like you?” I held her hand and said “of course I
will, I will do anything for you”. Just then I could feel Max's comforting hand on my shoulder, a sign of his thanks for how I responded and supported and encouraged Jessie.
Sad
really. I have become an integral part of Jessie's life and she has come to love me as I love
her. By the Dragon insulting me and expressing her dislike for me, ultimately she is
insulting Jessie. It is pathetic really
that the Dragon needs to act in such an immature destructive way, as she is
so clouded by her jealousy. It just breaks my heart that Jessie’s innocence is
being robbed by her Mother’s insecurity.
All we can do is refrain from any negative feedback and give Jessie our love and affection and support. She will figure it all out, if she hasn't already begun to at her young age of 5.
Please do not replace my innocence
with your insecurity. Allow me to love everyone who loves me. By The Childless
Stepmom
Hi Nicole! How I empathize! It's like having the exwife standing in your kitchen, wagging her finger at you, while you make her child lunch and take the high road. At our house, because my stepdaughters are teenagers, it's more what's not being said that frustrates. For example, we are trying to teach the girls healthy eating habits, but anything I explain is in direct opposition to what their mother considers to be correct. Their mother pushes empty carbs and has an unstable body image herself (she's had lots of work done). They would eat cereal and noodles all day if we let them. So while I explain that menstruating is nothing you have to hide by burying tampons wrappers, or how to get out stains and buy bras that fit correctly (just how to shop for them period because she didn't), the exwife continues to say whatever wants to, accusing me of not being a good stepmother to her children the day after I flew back from visiting my father in neuro-ICU. She has told her children I was dating their father for his money (when I took care of a family of 3 myself for years) and called me names in a lawsuit (which led to my blog--www.agnosticparamour.com--as a coping mechanism). This returns me to your original point--this kind of envy is bottomless, and there will always be another chapter to your diaries. Do you use other methods besides the blog to cope, since you obviously tell your stepdaughter the truth (that your feelings are hurt) without saying what you would really like to (like your mother has stolen money from your father and should, by the way, be paying for music lessons out of that huge chunk of child support she gets)?
ReplyDelete~Wanda
p.s. I love the name of your blog.