Just when
we thought that we had an agreement in writing that could potentially reduce
some of the conflict by preventing Dragon from arbitrarily taking
time with Jessie away when she so chooses, well seems that some people feel
they live above the law.
About a week ago Max sat down for over 10 hours in negotiation with the Dragon and their respective lawyers and a trained mediator to reach settlement - FINALLY - over issues pertaining to access and support.
Regarding access, the agreement outlined a schedule along with some guidelines on use, namely:
- Both parties will strictly adhere
to the schedule until a review in 18-months
- Both parties agree to not make
unilateral changes in the schedule
The point
of these guidelines: to reduce conflict. The mediator made it very
clear in the session that the schedule is the schedule - let it be, follow it,
see how it goes, and in 18 months we can review it again. She stressed how
important it was to follow the schedule and these guidelines in order to reduce
the conflict in this case - for Jessie' sake.
Well, apparently Dragon could care less about:
1) Jessie
(well that we know, it is only herself she cares about)
2)
Reducing conflict
As within 1-week of the agreement being signed, she is making "unilateral" changes in the schedule.
Agreement: Jessie to be in her father’s care from 8 a.m. Day 6 until 730 p.m. Day 7. Simple right? 8 a.m. pick up, 730 p.m. drop off.
Dragons interpretation: That means you are responsible for Jessie at 8 a.m. - you don't physically get her at 8 a.m. I will take her to school.
Translation: When Dragon got home from mediation and took a look at the calendar and thought about the schedule, she didn't like it - she didn't like that she had to hand over Jessie to Max on days she is off. So, she decided to take it on herself to make up her own interpretation. Interpretation: "I love control, I lost it with this agreement, but I will take it back and do what I want with the schedule."
For someone who is so broke, when you don't follow the agreed upon terms, you are in contempt of court - and that means legal action and more money to be spent Dragon!
Dragon response to Max reminding her of that: "I am done with lawyers and paying legal bills. Do what you want Max, won't matter."
Translation: "I live above the law. I will do what I want, when I want".
The difference between a RATIONALE person and an IRRATIONAL person like Dragon is this:
Max and I
have questions about the agreement and some interpretation. How did he proceed
with that? Did he make his own interpretation and do what he so chooses like
the Dragon? No. He called his lawyer and asked if he could sit down
to discuss these concerns and questions. Respectful. Following moral and civil
codes of action. Rationale. Honest.
Her approach to life: disrespectful; immoral, arrogant, selfish, controlling, manipulative, deceitful.
Way to help contribute to the "reduction of conflict" Dragon. Once again, everything on your terms. Living by your own set of rules. Doing what you so please and when. And then she will turn around and give her sob story: Why do you and your family hate me????
"To get respect is to give respect, the more you don't give the less you'll get...Unknown"
If the tables were turned and Max did what he so chose with the agreement, Max would NEVER hear the end of it - the Dragon would breathe fire and inflict a burn so deep. Can you IMAGINE if he didn't pay his support as per the agreement? She would lose it.
But once again, Max's approach to life: Rationale. Not above the law and follows agreement. Dragon’s approach to life: irrational, above the law, arrogant, disgraceful.
The Dragon Diaries: never ending drama. Fun isn’t it.
Nicole,
ReplyDeleteI've recently found your blog and can fully relate to what you are writing about. My husbands ex-wife is a Dragon as well. I've been in a relationship with him for 7 years, and "The Freak Show" hasn't let up yet. It can get a lot worse than you are experiencing. Protect yourself. Trust me.
A bit of advice? Don't give up. Limit your contact with her as much as possible. If she violates the custody order, document it, and file contempt charges every time. Your husband should limit communication to e-mail only if possible. Avoid speaking directly to the Dragon.... NPD's feed off the conflict. Mediation is a waste of time. The only thing NPD's get out of mediation is your undivided attention. The rest only applies to you. If there is any way possible, file for custody and request a psychiatric evaluation.
Don't stop mothering that little girl... she needs you to show her what real love is. What a real mother does.
One last thing. Be very, very careful about putting too much identifying information in your blog. It CAN hurt you.