End of Chapter 1
I am not going to sit here and pretend that I
am an expert in Divorce 101. But I will say I and my ex-husband handled our
divorce with as much grace as you can in the midst of high emotion. Reasons I
won’t discuss, our relationship and marriage of 10 years came to an end.
We may have had our struggles during our
marriage, but when it came to ending it, we worked together cooperatively.
Access to our child, support and martial home matters settled in less than 3
months and $1500. We continue to work together amicably and
cooperatively.
While we have a Separation Agreement, we
reassess the access schedule and support on an ongoing basis. No greed. No
control. Only the best interests of our boy, Caden. We have never talked badly
about the other parent or their family or new partners. We have welcomed each
other’s new partner into Caden’s life with acceptance and have even sat
together amicably at school and extra-curricular functions. We are flexible and
understanding when it comes to schedule changes. The list could go on. All is
good.
Start Chapter 2
Enter in new beginnings and a fresh start. Meet
lovely man, Max. Several months later meet his lovely daughter, Jessie.
And who is this? Oh, the not so lovely ex-wife.
“My isn't she pleasant”. Control. Greed. Manipulation. Inflexibility.
Lack of cooperation, difficulty. No empathy. Selfishness. Just plain
evilness.
The end of Max’s chapter 2: her, Carmen, having an affair with
another woman, Beth, for over a year. Declaring it over and living in the
martial home for another 6 months until she purchases a home with her new love
interest. And the best part of it all: bringing her young and senseless puppet
of a girlfriend into the marital home while Max still lived there. Yes,
overnight in the room down the hall, despite Max's pleas otherwise. The Dragon’s
response to his pleas to have Beth remain out of his home, in essence,
demanding some respect and dignity: "F** off and mind your own business
Max...this is still my house too, I can do what the F** I want". Now that
is what I call RESPECT. Classy lady!
Who is this person and why is she the way she
is?
Welcome to the Dragons "World"
Well I can’t say I wasn’t warned. Within days
after word got out that I was dating Max, the words of caution surmounted...
“Max is
a great guy, but do you know his ex...she is crazy”. ‘Don’t get caught up with him, his ex will
make your life miserable”. “You
know her Nicole...she went to our high school. She is a super bitch!”
Sorry I don’t remember her. But you are all kidding right? Who can be that
bad....?
Was I wrong and they right!
The Dragon became increasingly suspicious.
Why is Max not mopping about miserable, instead smiling with hope that there
are good woman out there and life is going to be ok? The Dragon scooped
up Max’s cell phone, read through his texts and discovered who he was dating. Within
9 days after Max and I met, I get a Facebook friend request from Dragon. I am
guessing this is a lousy attempt at an intimidation tactic? Hoping I am stupid
enough to say yes so you can snoop my page to get all the dirt on me you
need to publicly ridicule me. Delete.
Then, immediately the texts from her flooded in
to my phone:
Don’t know what ur
thinkn with max. Hes way to 2 good for u…total rebound…haha…every1 sees it…2
bad…coulda been fb friends…haha
“so I heard u f***
jeff 2…get a life…looser”
“hey ho, can u get off
my husband 4 a sec and ask him to call home…it’s about his daughter”
If I didn’t know any better I was getting texts
messages from the troubled teenage girl down the street. Not a 30+ woman with a
career and a 4 year old daughter acting in this ridiculously immature way.
This teenage girl must have the wrong number.
Nope, it’s the beginning of life with a
narcissist! Joy. And why did I not heed the warning signs at that point?
You could say stupid...stupid in love.
Text messages: Delete. Delete. And delete. I am not going to give this sorry excuse of a
human any sort of reaction.
The warnings from Max to our Dragon friend leave
me alone were ignored. They likely only fueled her desire to further intimidate
me. “Ho” became her term for me. Cute. At this point still living with
Max, she changed the home line and Max’s cell phone address book contact
information to “Max’s ho”. Even more cute.
The Facebook wall messages started. My most
favourite of all time: "just when I thought Christmas was done...nope HO
HO HO is back....lol". I do have to admit - clever.
Then there was the friend request to my
ex-husband...”since your ex is
dating my ex, thought we could be friends”. Really? Good thing he has a sense of humour. He calls me up to ask me
who this crazy person is. Oh, let me introduce you to the Dragon!
The icing on the cake came the day she showed up
at Max’s house one September evening, 6 months after Max and I began dating,
demanding her daughter back.
I was out back cleaning up the yard after having
Max’s family over for dinner. Max’s family had just left and Max was upstairs
putting his daughter Jessie to bed. I am up on the pool deck and see that the Dragon
Mobile has pulled up out front. You remember Cruella de Vil’s car from
101 Dalmatians? That’s her car. Tinted black windows, evil red colour,
long and pointy. Totally fitting car for an evil and cruel monster like
the Dragon.
My heart races. I instinctively ran to the front
yard in defense of Max who was upstairs with Jessie. Not sure what I was
thinking as this woman could knock me out in one punch! I come around the
corner and see Dragon on the front walkway and I say “What are you doing here?”
Well it is a good thing that Max’s parents had
not left. They were walking out front when she pulled up and knew better than
to leave me and Max to her wrath. Dragon immediately starts to spew out flames
of offensive language to me in Max’s parent’s presence.
”You are
so good at spreading your legs Nicole...Max doesn’t want anything to do with
his daughter anymore because he is too busy f'n you...You had better leave before I whack you one...”.
Once again, FULL of class. Max’s mom suggested I go inside and I did not
hesitate. She fires me a look of death as she holds up her middle finger.
Again, troubled teenager down the road or 30+ year old Mother?
After an hour of Dragon ringing the doorbell repeatedly
and spewing out rubbish to Max’s mom on the door step, we called the police. “She is just looking to stir up trouble”
is what the policeman told us. She was asked to leave.
I won’t lie. She got to me that day. She didn’t
scare me away, but she did elicit emotions of anger that I had not felt since I
was an emotional teenage girl. Who does and says these things and continues to
get away with it?
The list of text messages, Facebook posts and
other intimation attempts continued. I was successfully able to maintain my
composure through it all, not giving her what she wanted – a reaction.
But as the days and months move on the heat of her flames becomes
overwhelming. I am gasping for air. I am losing composure and patience. So the real
journey begins: my journey to get her out of my head and to gain back control
and composure.
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