Involving Children in Adult Conflict

The number of examples of incidents that the Dragon has involved Jessie in the adult conflict is overwhelming.  She is clueless to how her actions have such an ill effect on her daughter’s wellbeing. She is blinded by her own insecurity and her need to control and take care of whom she sees as number one – herself.   Any of us whom care deeply for our own children and their health and wellbeing would never subject our children to issues beyond their comprehension. We would shelter and protect them.  But when you are a narcissist, you care for you and only you. And you will do what you need to do to get what you want and when – no matter the consequences.

In an attempt to highlight how truly twisted the Dragon is and how she is clueless to the ill effects on her own daughter, I will highlight some blood boiling examples.

The Birth Certificate   

Max and I decided to take Jessie and Caden to the USA to a local children’s attraction. Before we announced to the kids this idea, we ensured first we had access to Jessie’s birth certificate. We knew we had to ask Dragon for this given it was in her possession and we were pretty sure she would deny us access. Surprisingly Dragon on Saturday evening decided that yes Max could have it, and to pick it up Sunday morning. We announce the plan to the kids and they anxiously awaited the next day, waking up in the morning counting down the minutes until we left. Max calls Dragon to confirm pick up of the birth certificate and Dragon refused saying “I don’t feel comfortable Jessie going with Ho”.  On yeah, in case you have forgotten, that Ho is me. We than had to let the kids know that plans had changed. Both kids ended up in tears, and after 20 minutes or so of consoling and coming up with a backup plan, we had them settled.  Why she thought it was necessary to pull such a selfish act I will never know or understand.

That day both Jessie and Caden were sacrifices. I also was pregnant. I bled that day. My doctor told me it was likely brought on by stress.

The Ambush    

Max and I decided to take Jessie and Caden to Easter in the Park. The two were very excited to hunt for eggs together – they planned themselves a little race. Max was also very excited that this event was occurring on his weekend so that he could have the time with Jessie. As soon as we were approaching the pavilion in the park, we spotted Dragon and her puppet side kick getting out of their car and walking across the field towards us.  They had been lurching in their vehicle anticipating our arrival. At no point did we even say we were going, they simply arrived unannounced with a plan to coerce Jessie away from us. And that is what they achieved. They called Jessie towards them. I overheard Dragon say “mommy always takes you to this every year honey, you come with Mom”. 

At no point did she allow for Jessie to be with her Dad whom so excitingly brought her. Very briefly she came to the pavilion, at which point I motioned to pick Jessie up and ask her if she wanted to race alongside Caden. Jessie whined for her Mother and continued to whine until the race started. Jessie knows how to play her Mother - like a fiddle, and her mom just eats it up.  When you are insecure as she is, you feed on any ounce of attention.

At the commencement of the event Dragon conveniently returned Jessie to Max. Let me be clear: neither Max or I would have been upset IF she had requested beforehand if she could participate alongside. But she came with a plan - a plan to steal the spotlight. What a selfish conniving witch. She achieved what she came to do - disappoint us. But her lack of empathy failed to recognize whom else she disappointed - Caden. He did not get to race his sister that day. But the Dragon could care less, she cares only about one person - herself. 

The drama of the day did not end there. Dragon suggested afterwards that I upset Jessie by trying to "steal" her from her mom by picking her up.  Please, it was a harmless attempt to reunite "our family" whom had come together. Funny, because Jessie was not remotely out of sorts when she returned home with us that day. It is conveniently funny how she only because "upset" when her Mother instructed her that she was.  But the kicker – the Dragon needed to pile weight on her poor daughter’s shoulders by carefully instructing Jessie that I was "wrong" to try to pick her up.

The Dress    

It was our first school night with Jessie. The excitement could be felt. Max was so delighted that he was able to get Jessie off to school. Caden and Jessie were equally thrilled. Max eagerly awoke to make Jessie and Caden’s lunch. Jessie excitingly picked out her school outfit. “I want to wear a skirt” she says. She picks out a pink and black plaid skirt and her I love Daddy pink shirt. “The skirt is a little long hunny” I told her. “I can hem it and you can wear it another time”. This was the first she had tried it on. ‘No, I want to wear it”.  She twirled around in her skirt, she felt beautiful.

Of all days Jessie gets sent home with head lice. The Dragon gets the call from the school. She picks her up. Apparently she didn’t approve of the skirt Jessie wore. We later hear the following pathetic story from Jessie herself.

When Jessie got home from school her Mother took the skirt off of Jessie and began to rant about how big and ridiculous it was. She than decided she would further bully her own daughter and put the skirt on and danced around the kitchen...”Look Jessie, the skirt is so big it fits me”.  When Max called Dragon later to verify this story, she admitted to it all and completely justified it...”she looked like a welfare case”.  She then proceeded to suggest that I purposely dressed Jessie like a fool. In your world Dragon you purposely demean your own child; in mine, I protect and shelter my young.  

Did she every stop to think about how that may have made Jessie feel? Narcissists feel no empathy.

When Max asked for the skirt back, Dragon’s response...”it has been donated to the Goodwill. That is where things that do not fit go”.  

Anyone else see how immature and selfish this act was? It disgusts me.

The Denials    

The Dragon court ordered a pathetic bare access schedule of measly 4-hour visits, one visit in one week, two the next. Commencement time - 4p.m. (and she always ensured she strictly adhered to that time, holding Jessie back in the house until 4p.m. struck, leaving Max waiting on the doorstep, many days in the blistering cold).

One day Max had to work a little later. He asked if I could pick up Jessie. Heart pounding, I walk up to the door step to the Dragon Den. I could feel the heat. Jessie is in the front window, waving with delight, big smile on her face.  She runs to the front door. I could hear the Dragon behind the door saying get away from the door Jessie. The Dragon opens the door a crack and in her miserable voice asking “Where is Max?” I explained he had to work a bit later. She refuses for me to take Jessie. She slams the door in my face. I walk back to the car, looking back seeing Jessie in the window. That's healthy for Jessie Dragon. Way to go, good parenting. 

A week later, Max is needed a little later at work once again. This time, he attempts to send his own Mother, Jessie's paternal Grandmother. Once again a denial. Max's mom stood on the front door step trying for almost 20minutes to reason with the Dragon. There is no reasoning with the unreasonable.  Jessie came out three times asking Grandma, “are we going Gamma?” On the third occasion, she has her boots on, jacket draped over her...”Gamma, I am ready to go.”  The Dragon instructs her to go back in the house on each occasion. Finally Grandma decides her efforts are futile, she walks away to her car, looking back and seeing Jessie looking out the window. Once again...an excellent example of good parenting.  

Apparently Dragon told Max's mom that she was not going to allow for Jessie to go hang out with "ho" while Max is at work. Max's mom had to ask politely that she not speak so poorly of her daughter-n-law. Dragon's response..."haha, I am just so used to calling her that". Classy. 

Funny how Dragon's puppet, Beth, and Grandma can pick Jessie up at any time from Max's house or be left alone with them as Dragon tends to her many selfish personal pursuits and Max not dispute it and put Jessie in the middle of the adult conflict. Oh yes, he is a rationale human being who does not harbor resentment and jealousy. 

Money before Child Health  
Max himself has been denied access to his daughter. On one occasion, Max had a reimbursement cheque for some health insurance expenses that Dragon submitted. She had called the insurance company and discovered that the cheque had already been sent out. Max showed up to get Jessie and Dragon went on one of her many rants...how he was not going to get Jessie until she got that cheque. Jessie was once again in the front window, witness once again to her deranged Mother screaming at Max and sending him away until she saw the money. He returns 20-minutes later and Jessie is "released" to Max as he hands over the cheque.   On the way home, Jessie says to her Dad..."did you give my mom the money you owe her Dad?" 

The cheque was for less than $70.00. Well worth the use of your daughter as a pawn and the trauma of a 4 year old innocent girl by involving her in your adult issues isn't it Dragon. 

It has been over two years of watching Dragon sacrifice her own child and involve her in adult conflict. My blood has boiled. My heart has raced. I have cried . I have screamed. I have even called Dragon on the phone myself, pleading that she stop calling me names in front of Jessie. Somehow I thought I could reason with her.  But the only thing that came out of that phone call was her turning around and further sacrificing Jessie...”She is mean...she called and yelled at me” she told Jessie later that day.

There is no reasoning with a narcissist. They admit no wrong. They have no empathy. They care only about themselves.

How you consider your daughters feelings in all this really deserves recognition. I will ensure I vote you for Mother of the Year Dragon.